Like Mother Like Son
A Memoir
By
Jared Gaetz
Sunday, July 12, 2011
Ralph Waldo Emerson once said: “Men are what their mothers made them.” I will always be infinitely grateful for this, because I’ve had no greater example in my life of faith, love, perseverance, forgiveness, courage, hard work, and strength than my mother.
A wise man, when looking for a spouse, will look for someone that has many of the same motherly instincts his own mother has. This man will weigh out the prospective bride with the exemplary qualities of his mother, and if he is extremely fortunate, this young woman will have some of the same incredible qualities as his mother, with potential to achieve more. This is when he buys an engagement ring as fast as he can possibly afford it, in constant fear that some other smart man will realize what a catch she is, and snatch her up first.
I recently discovered the woman of my dreams, and I can honestly say that I went through this exact same process, when courting this incredible young lady. I found her to have many of the same great qualities that my mother has, with potential to achieve many more. As you can tell from my previous statement, I listened to my own advice, and saved up my money as fast as I could and asked this angel to marry me. It was by far, the smartest thing I have ever done with my life!
Every person needs to have some trials in life. We need them to be able to learn and grow. My biggest trial has been my father. I’ve never really had much of a father. He has never supported my family emotionally, lovingly, or financially. He has always been physically, emotionally, and verbally abusive. He has been a drain on our lives and hasn’t contributed much more than being a sperm donor.
My mother has always known, that the responsibility of raising my two sisters and I would lie solely on her, so she took every opportunity she could, to instill values and character in us. When my father used to make me angry or upset, my mother would use these moments as teaching opportunities. She would say to me, “Jared, remember the way you feel right now! Remember the anger! Make the decision right now that you will be a loving and supportive husband and father!” I heard this, countless times, throughout the years, but I will forever be grateful for it.
With all this analyzing of my mother, I started reflecting back on my entire life. So many stories came to mind of momentous occasions in my life, where my mother has been so instrumental in making me who I am today.
When I was a young boy, I traveled with my parents and my grandma on my mother’s side, to meet my grandfather Gaetz who lived in Halifax, Nova Scotia. We stayed in a hotel, not far from my grandfather’s home. One afternoon while we were there, my mom put me down for a nap and left my dad to watch me while she went on an errand. I was awakened from my nap by a sudden noise in our hotel room and looked up to see a strange woman making the bed next to me and then watched her proceed to clean our room. I began to cry. In my young mind, I thought that my dad had replaced my mom with the woman I was seeing in our room. I was heartbroken. When my dad asked me “why are you crying?” I told him “my mommy is the best friend I’ll ever have!” He assured me it was only the maid and that my mom would be returning soon.
When I was six years old, I entered a science contest in my elementary school. The assignment was to collect items I could find around my house that were being discarded and make them into something useful. It was a lesson on the benefit of recycling. With my mother guiding me at my side, we made a train set out of every unique discarded gadget we could find. It turned out amazingly well, and I won first place. When my principal, Mrs. Rupp, came to my class and told me I had won first place, she asked me if I thought my mom would be willing to take me to the state contest to represent the school. Without hesitation, I said to her, “My mom would do anything to help me succeed! I will be there.”
My mom was my guide and support for every worthwhile achievement in my young life. It was my mom who helped me construct my first car for the Pinewood Derby. It was my mom who helped me pack and get my gear ready for every boy scout camp I ever attended. It was my mom who stood beside me and encouraged me to earn every scout merit badge. It was my mom who was with me when I was interviewed, recommended for and then received my Eagle Scout Award.
When I made mistakes in my young teenage life, it was my mom who helped navigate me through the turbulent waters of adolescence until I landed safely back on shore. Although she didn’t force me to make her choices, she always helped me see what the consequences might be if I traveled certain paths with certain friends. Making those better choices has made all the difference in the outcome of my life.
When I was called to serve a two-year full-time mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, it was my mom who helped me prepare and pack and buy all the necessary clothing and books I needed to go on my mission to Calgary, Alberta. On the day I entered the M.T.C. to begin my missionary training, someone handed my missionary tag to my dad. As he walked over to place it on my suit, I took it from him and said, “This tag is for my mother to place on me! She got me here!” I handed her the tag, and she placed it neatly on my jacket with tears in her eyes and a beaming smile on her face. I knew she had been the one who had most prepared me for being “mission ready.” I could tell how happy it made her to be given the privilege of putting on my missionary nametag.
She faithfully wrote every week to me and supported me in every way during my two mission years. Her letters were uplifting and hopeful and always offered me encouragement to succeed and make a difference in the lives of the Canadian people. I worked harder in those two years than I ever had worked in my life. It wasn’t easy, but it was an amazing experience and one that I wouldn’t trade for anything. I definitely wouldn’t have been able to accomplish what I did without the constant support from my mother.
While I was on my mission, I received word that my dear grandma on my mother’s side had suffered a stroke and wasn’t expected to live. This was very difficult for me because I had grown up with my grandma in our home and I loved her like my own mother. My grandma had been blind for most of my life, yet she never had complained, nor had she become bitter in any way. I felt so helpless being so far away in Canada and knowing that she was now paralyzed as well as blind. Through a series of miraculous events, my grandma didn’t pass away until after I completed my mission six months later. I watched my mother lovingly care for my grandma in her final days and listened to her stories of what an honor it was for her to care for someone who had been so loving and devoted to her for her entire life. I realized that my mom had been tutored in the art of loving her children by watching her own mother lovingly raise my mom and her brother and sisters. I then realized what a privilege it would be for me to someday look after my mother like she had done for my grandmother.
My mom was our provider during our young lives. She ran her own business so that she could be there for us when we needed her while we were young. She closed her business when my grandma’s health got bad so she could take care of grandma on a full-time basis. It was a decision mom said she would never regret. She always said to us, “It’s the people that matter—not the things.” Then, when my grandmother passed away, my mom realized she still needed income so she could help raise my sisters and help put us through college. As she wondered what she could do to begin a new career at 56 years of age, she thought of the teaching certificate she had earned when she was 24, but had never used because she had helped run a family business instead. She inquired as to what it would take to renew that certificate. Although she said it was the most difficult thing she has ever done, my mom returned to college after 32 years to take the necessary classes to be able to be a teacher. After a lot of hard work, she renewed her certificate and is currently teaching in Granite School District. Her example has shown my sisters and I how important it is to be resilient in life and to go forward with courage and determination to achieve the things that might seem impossible. If someone, someday accuses me of being just like my mother, it will be the greatest compliment I will ever receive.
Sources
1. Personal Interview with Michele Gaetz (My Mother)
2. Personal Interview with Chelsey Gaetz (My Sister)
3. LDS Mission Journal of Jared Gaetz (September 7, 2005)
4. Ralph Waldo Emerson (Quote)
